I started this summer feeling nervous. It was the anniversary marking 1 year for Noah's diagnosis of cancer, and I wondered how our summer would go compared to last year. This year I didn't feel that stir crazy feeling that I did the year before. Wondering what I was going to do to keep my kids occupied all summer. This summer, I just feel blessed to have them all at home with me. Yes, they are driving me insane with their fighting, as its gotten really bad. But I remind myself daily that at least this year Noah is not sitting in a hospital bed and having his body be poked constantly, no surgeries and no adjustments to chemo. He's an old pro this summer.
Things have been going so well for him physically. Then we get a reminder that he still has cancer. He was hit with a really bad mouth sore over a week ago. He has had them before, but this was just huge. It was on his top lip and it looked as though someone punched him hard. It was swollen and red and very painful. He is still on the antibiotic for a couple more days and a cream as well. The cream cost just over $100.00 for about an ounce, I just about fell over when I heard that.
Noah has a check up on Monday Aug 12, so hopefully his oncologist will ok him for chemo. He is scheduled to have a spinal on Wednesday Aug 14. This is where he is put to sleep and the chemo is injected into his spine. Now, he only goes for that every 12 weeks.
Emotionally, things are difficult for Noah. Which in turn makes it difficult for everyone. Noah and Holly fight constantly, and I am out of ideas on how to control this. His psychiatrist is on holidays all summer long, so we have no advice in that regard. It's frustrating, and I never pictured my kids acting this way to each other. They can be so hurtful and it breaks my heart to hear them. And as they fight, Coltan watches them and is learning their terrible behavior.
So yes, this summer we are all at home, not in the hospital and together. But we are still fighting. Fighting to be a normal family, when we just aren't. Fighting with each other. Trying to figure out how to teach our kids to just all get along. Sometimes I think Noah should just know how to be thankful, know how to appreciate what he has. But he doesn't. We need to teach him that, even when it seems like it should just be an obvious natural reaction because of what he has gone through and faced.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers. We need them, and we feel them.
Melissa
