Monday, October 22, 2012

Yes its been awhile

Its been almost a month since I posted anything. I think because its been a very good month. It feels almost normal, like how it used to be before Noah had cancer. He is doing so well. He has been going for chemo at clinic every 10 days. He gets 2 different kinds of chemo into his port. He freaked out a bit the first time because the numbing agent wasn't on long enough and he felt the poke. He freaked out the second time because he was afraid he would feel it, but we left the emla cream on for longer and he didn't feel a thing. So, by the third time he did so well. We go again tomorrow, Oct 23 and that will be the last time for this round.

The nurse and the hospital school teacher came to visit Noah's class and spoke to them about leukemia. I think it was well received. You could see that Noah was so excited to have her there (he really likes her), and you could see it made him feel special. The rest of the school week went really well. He didn't ask to come home at all, and went every morning without a fight. He said some of the boys played with him at recess and it sounds like things are going better.

Another 'normal' thing that has occurred is that Noah started hockey this month. He had his first practice last Thursday and loved it. You could tell he was tired, but he lasted the entire hour! He has practice again tonight and is really looking forward to it. The coach and his wife are very understanding and willing to help make this an enjoyable experience for Noah. So wonderful!

The next round of chemo starts the first week into November. I am nervous for it. He will be on the steroids again, like month one. In a way, it feels like Noah is cured. And technically he is. He is considered to be in remission right now. But because leukemia can hide, and is terribly resistant, they have to treat it for 3 - 3 1/2 years. And they have to do different combinations of drugs and timing to make sure they get it all. Steroids is a big part of it. I am afraid of the eating habits. Noah ate a full meal every 20 minutes during the first month, and gained 20 lbs. They said the weight gain may not be as severe, because he will be on the meds one week, then off one week, then on one week. But the eating will be there, and in the night. The restless sleeping, and the moodiness. Please pray that Noah will be the exception.That he wont experience these side effects like they expect him to. That he will get through this month like he has this last month, and be well.

I think alot lately about cancer. It's everywhere, and it touches everyone in some way. I asked God why this is and He hasn't answered me. Maybe He never will, maybe its not for us to know. But it bothers me. It's a horrible disease that can devour a body so quickly. Why is this so? It makes me so sad to think of all the heartache this disease has caused people. I would ask for prayer for a cure, but I believe there is a cure already. So why isn't God allowing this to happen? Just some questions rolling around in my brain. Not that I am blaming Him. Just thinking out loud.

With this next round of chemo, we most likely will see Noah lose his hair. He is very worried about this and says he will not go to school if it happens. Even though the nurse already told the class it would happen and its totally normal. He is frightened by it. Pray that he will cope well when that happens. Better yet, pray he doesn't lose his hair at all.

Prayer Requests: Complete healing for Noah. That his cancer will be cured and never return. That he will not get any infections that could cause him to get sick and be hospitalized, or even put his life at risk.  That the side effects will be non existant. That he will feel normal and well and energized and happy.

Thank you for your prayer. I believe that is why Noah is doing so well. Because we asked for it in the name of Jesus and have received it.


Friday, October 5, 2012


Noah is having a really hard time at school. He came home today at lunch because he said his port was bothering him, however I have my doubts. He has been fighting going all last week and all this week. This morning as we listened to the radio to see if school was cancelled, he cried when he heard it wasn't. He is feeling incredibly alone at school and having a hard time finding kids that want to play with him.  As a mom, this breaks my heart. As if cancer wasn't enough. Now he has to struggle with friends. He is in a new school this year so that doesn't help things very much, and doesn't feel comfortable playing football with the boys that he did know from before. He feels afraid that he will get hurt, and feels like he can't keep up with them. He gets tired easily now. He says that he asks them to play but they don't. This is so hard to hear.

Its so hard to see. I wish that I could take away all these hardships from him. I just want to make life as easy as I can for him through this hard time of chemo and all that goes with it. But I can't. I feel like there is nothing that I can do. I can't make kids play with him. I can't make them not make fun of him. He has been called a few names, and said that one boy even laughed at him when he found out he had cancer. I know that they are kids, but it makes me so angry to hear that my boy is being laughed at and made fun of. It's heartbreaking.

There are times when I just want to keep him home, and teach him myself. Times where I want to treat him like a kid who is dying and want him to be right next to me all the time. To protect him from ignorant and mean kids. To spend every moment with him and make sure he is happy and not feeling sad. I wish I knew what to do. I try to tell him to ask different boys to play, or to get a teacher to help him find his best friend in a different grade. But it seems like nothing is working.

So he is home this afternoon, against my better judgment (I guess). It's really hard for me. Next week he will miss most of the week because of Thanksgiving, and we have to travel to Winnipeg twice for chemo, and the other day he will miss half a day for blood work here in town. I just don't want him to slip behind the other kids and not be at the same level that they are with being able to attend school all the time. I don't know how to keep him at the same pace as all the rest.

Here we are trying to figure out our life with a child with cancer, trying to be normal. But it's so obvious that we are not. We are not normal. And it's hard to figure out how to make it all work. I just want him to be happy. To be the happy boy that he was last year, that loved going to school, was the class clown, had lots of friends and had fun.

Now he is happy when he gets to miss school and go for chemo. There is something that just isn't right about that.

Please pray for Noah to adjust better to school. To find friends. This is so different for him, he has never had a problem with friends. Pray for Chris and I that we will know how to respond when he fights and cries about school. Pray for the teachers that they will know how to handle his issues as well.

Thank you all so much,