Noah is having a really hard time at school. He came home today at lunch because he said his port was bothering him, however I have my doubts. He has been fighting going all last week and all this week. This morning as we listened to the radio to see if school was cancelled, he cried when he heard it wasn't. He is feeling incredibly alone at school and having a hard time finding kids that want to play with him. As a mom, this breaks my heart. As if cancer wasn't enough. Now he has to struggle with friends. He is in a new school this year so that doesn't help things very much, and doesn't feel comfortable playing football with the boys that he did know from before. He feels afraid that he will get hurt, and feels like he can't keep up with them. He gets tired easily now. He says that he asks them to play but they don't. This is so hard to hear.
Its so hard to see. I wish that I could take away all these hardships from him. I just want to make life as easy as I can for him through this hard time of chemo and all that goes with it. But I can't. I feel like there is nothing that I can do. I can't make kids play with him. I can't make them not make fun of him. He has been called a few names, and said that one boy even laughed at him when he found out he had cancer. I know that they are kids, but it makes me so angry to hear that my boy is being laughed at and made fun of. It's heartbreaking.
There are times when I just want to keep him home, and teach him myself. Times where I want to treat him like a kid who is dying and want him to be right next to me all the time. To protect him from ignorant and mean kids. To spend every moment with him and make sure he is happy and not feeling sad. I wish I knew what to do. I try to tell him to ask different boys to play, or to get a teacher to help him find his best friend in a different grade. But it seems like nothing is working.
So he is home this afternoon, against my better judgment (I guess). It's really hard for me. Next week he will miss most of the week because of Thanksgiving, and we have to travel to Winnipeg twice for chemo, and the other day he will miss half a day for blood work here in town. I just don't want him to slip behind the other kids and not be at the same level that they are with being able to attend school all the time. I don't know how to keep him at the same pace as all the rest.
Here we are trying to figure out our life with a child with cancer, trying to be normal. But it's so obvious that we are not. We are not normal. And it's hard to figure out how to make it all work. I just want him to be happy. To be the happy boy that he was last year, that loved going to school, was the class clown, had lots of friends and had fun.
Now he is happy when he gets to miss school and go for chemo. There is something that just isn't right about that.
Please pray for Noah to adjust better to school. To find friends. This is so different for him, he has never had a problem with friends. Pray for Chris and I that we will know how to respond when he fights and cries about school. Pray for the teachers that they will know how to handle his issues as well.
Thank you all so much,