Tuesday, November 26, 2013

A story to share

I have to share what happened today to me. I think it proves that there are usually no coincidences. So this morning Chris and Noah were still at the hospital, but I had made an appointment at the Steinbach walk in for myself because I am still not feeling great with this pneumonia and yesterday was my last day of antibiotics. I wanted to make sure that I was on the right path to healing before Noah came home.

I was originally going to make an appointment with my new dr in St. Anne, but for some reason I just called the walk in in Steinbach. Made an appointment with any dr they gave me. I almost cancelled because I knew Noah would most likely be coming home and I would have to go pick them up, but I really wanted to get checked again to see if I needed another round of antibiotics, so I kept it.

When I called, I asked if they had an isolation room that I could wait in because I would have Holly and Coltan with me, and I explained the situation with Noah and told her I couldn't risk sitting in a full waiting room of sick people. The lady on the phone was very nice and said she would pass on the request. I ended up being able to leave my kids with my mom and so I went to my appointment alone. When I registered I inquired about the isolation room. The nurse brought me into a room immediately and told me that if I hadn't asked about this that I would have had to wait over an hour to see the Dr, but that he had agreed to see me next rather than making me wait. I thanked her numerous times, feeling a bit bad that I had been bumped up.

Then the Dr. came in. I had never before met this dr. He introduced himself to me and asked me what was going on. I explained the pneumonia, and the situation with Noah. He examined me, and thought I should probably go on another antibiotic for another week. Which is fine, I just want to be well for Noah.

He then looked at me, paused and I could see he wanted to say something. He asked me if he could ask me what my son's name was. I said of course, it's Noah. He then took another few seconds, and asked me if he could pray for us.

I looked at him, and my eyes filled with tears. Here is this man, that I have never met, put me at the front of the line, and now has asked to pray for my son. I was stunned. I of course said yes. He then proceeded to get down on both his knees, hold my hand and pray for a long time. Praying for healing, commanding the leukemia to leave Noah's body. I couldn't believe this. As I sat there, with this dr on his knees, holding my hand praying with such faith for my Noah. It was a moment that I will forever cherish.

After he was finished, he got off the floor and back on his chair. I looked at him and said I just dont even know what to say or how to thank you. He just shook his head, there was no need to. He told me that he has witnessed miracles happen countless times. That he has seen cancer disappear. He encouraged me to look up versus about healing and read them over and over.

I asked him if he was accepting new patients! He looked at me and said that he wanted to be honest, and that he had been here for 5 years and was totally booked full all the time. (I can see why). But he then said, if I ever needed to see him all I should do is call the office and tell them that I am not his patient but that he would see me or Noah anytime we needed.

Can you believe this?? I walked out of that office praising the Lord. God is here, He is alive and with us always. This I knew, but what a reminder today. I am not going to disclose this doctors name, for personal reasons. So please don't ask me. Just know that there are angels everywhere:)

Monday, November 25, 2013

Fever #1

Noah was admitted to Children's Hospital yesterday. He was battling a cough and looked very white so I decided to call the oncologist to see what their thoughts were. Because I am battling pneumonia I was very concerned. We started in Steinbach but were transported by ambulance to Children's.

The doctors did some blood work and found that Noah's counts are dangerously low, which makes him super prone to infections. We are still waiting for blood cultures to figure out if its bacterial, and where the infection is. If it's in his port, it could mean surgery to remove the port. Which would not be good as this is already Noah's second port on the other side. So for now they are treating it as bacterial until the know otherwise. Noah received a blood transfusion today as well.

There are some things in life you never forget. I will never forget the moment the doctor told us Noah had cancer. I remember the room clearly. The ambulance brought us to the exact same room that we found out Noah was sick July 4, 2012. It was a very odd feeling, seeing him in the room again. Sitting on the same bed, with the same picture of a wooden boat behind him. Me, sitting in the same small brown chair that I was sitting in when I heard the words your son has leukemia. Seeing the doctor leaning on the same counter telling me the risks of what low counts mean. It was a flood of memories and Noah and I both just wanted out of there. Luckily it only took about 3 hours and then we were in his room on CK5. Not the same room we stayed in before.

It's extremely frightening to see your child not well. You add cancer to it and it changes the game entirely. A simple cold is not so simple. Nothing is simple. Watching them access his port while tears pore down his cheeks is not simple. Being strong when the nurses and doctors are right there watching you try to calm your child is not simple. Nothing about having a child with cancer is simple. And some moments, if you let the fear of it all get to you, you feel like you are about to lose control of your entire body, mind and soul. But you can't because your child is depending on you. You have to be the strong one, you have to. There is no choice.

He's only 8. How can he possibly understand all this? And yet he surprises me so much. He is amazing. He is so brave, and strong and funny. I am in awe of my son. How this experience will mold him into a man one day, I can only imagine. But how do I get him there? How can I help him through this when sometimes all I want to do is scream "I HATE YOU CANCER!". And I did scream that, in my van, by myself. I hate this cancer. I hate everything about it. I hate what it has done to my son and our family. I hate seeing all those little ones in cancercare and on the ward battling it. I hate seeing my family suffer from it and die from it. I hate the fear that it brings in those of us that don't have it but surely will one day. I hate it. How do I turn this horrible thing into something good? To learn from? To help others? I just don't know.

And then in moments of clarity, I am so thankful. We have oncologists that we can call 24/7 and they will talk to us. We have a hospital not far away that will take Noah whenever they need to. We have so much. So much.

Thank you for the prayer. Prayer is one of those things where you don't really think you need it or should do it until you have nothing left to do but pray. It's terrible. We should be praying constantly. But we don't. We wait until things get bad and then we beg. But prayer is so important to do all the time. Sometimes I get caught up in how to pray or when or how long. And truthfully, throughout this last year and 5 months, my prayers have often been one word. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I just cant get any words out. Many times it's the word mercy. I can only manage to say the word, but I know that God hears my whole heart. I thank you all who lift us up in prayer when we just can't. It's so powerful, and we often don't realize that.