I met with the surgeon on Monday, expecting him to confirm what the nurse told me over the phone, that it was not safe for Coltan to fly. Instead as I sat down, he says to me that the chance of Coltan's lung lesions rupturing as miniscule and that we should not cancel our trip.
Yeah. That's where I am at right now. He said that the nurse didn't have all the information, or something along that line because my brain was still trying to comprehend what he just said. And that there was a greater chance of the plane crashing then Coltan's lung leaking air.
So why in the world can I not accept this?? I cannot get what the nurse said out of my head. I know that I should trust the surgeon, he is the best in his field, but where did this mis communication occur? How could the nurse have said that she spoke to the surgeon and he advised no flying, and then the surgeon says its such a small chance to not cancel the trip?
I feel so torn. I wish the nurse hadn't said anything and that I just spoke to the surgeon directly. But now I have these two drastic differences of information in a matter of 3 days. So my mom advised to make another appointment with the surgeon and have Chris there with me so that its not just falling on my ears and the weight of the decision isn't falling on my shoulders, as it feels.
I so appreciate your prayers and support in this. It's been so difficult. We meet with the surgeon Feb 13. From that date it will be less than a month until our trip.
As for Noah, he is doing well. He is still difficult emotionally, and asked me last week if I thought he was going to die from cancer. So I know he thinks about it, and I know what I think matters to him. It still isn't easy hearing your child ask you that. Especially if you cant answer it with 100% certainty. But I didn't show my hesitation. I answered with a strong no. But honestly, if you are on facebook for 5 minutes, you see another new cancer diagnosis. Another angel. Kids with leukemia, just like Noah. Same age. Everything. It's hard not to doubt at times.
But he still goes to school, I kept him home a couple days due to a chicken pox outbreak in his class. We have until Feb 7 to see if he was exposed. Please pray he doesn't get them.
As for Holly, she buckles under Noah's relentless bullying on her. Its heart breaking, and I cant stand it. We may resume counselling with Noah's first counselor that can see him again. It's just so frustrating and nothing we say or do stops him from bothering her.
My anxiety has been hard to handle. It started in November and has increased. I have meds but havn't started them. Not sure if I will.
Thanks for your prayer, it gets us through our days.