Friday, September 7, 2012

It's hard to not ask why

I started a port the other day and I must have hit a button that deleted the entire post. So of course I can't remember all the I was saying, but here is a bit.

Noah started school this week and is just loving it. He has made new friends and connected with old ones. Which is really nice seeing he is in a new school this year. But as you may know, he is scheduled for surgery on Monday Sept 10th. He is getting another port put in as the next round of chemo is alot of IV chemo. He wants one. We feel nervous. He also does not want to miss any school, and on Tuesday is a clinic visit so he will be missing those two days for sure. I just wish things were normal again. Where he could just go to school and be with his friends and worry about things only a 7 year old should worry about. Not surgery or IV's or chemo or cancer. It's hard to not ask 'why me'.  

And then I have those moments where I am so thankful that we know what he has, and there is treatment for it. And that Noah seems to be responding very well to it all. There are so many blessings in the midst of this. I wish that I seen them more. They are there, but I have struggled. I have struggled to always look for them. Its easy to focus on the bad, the unknown, the future that is so uncertain with no guarantees.

Please pray that the surgery goes well, the port can stay in and heal properly this time. Pray that Noah can return to school and be as normal as he can be. And pray for us (Chris and I). Chris can see the positive very easily. I need some help in that area.

Last night as I was saying good night to Noah in his room, I lay Coltan down beside Noah and he just hugged him and said "I love you Coltan, I will always be here for you". Pray that's the case. Pray our children will all grow up and become close and strong from this experience.

Thank you all so much for all you do. We are still being offered prayer, support, food, and gifts each day. It's something words cannot describe.



  1. I think it's fair to ask why, but don't lose site of everything that you are doing right now. This is the good work, this is the work of love. You are a wonderful, caring Mom, your love and dedication and strength is an inspiration. When this is all over and behind you, and that day will come, you will see that you were the very best you during this time.

    You are the special one, you and Noah.

  2. Melissa, thank you so much for bravely sharing your journey. This is hard stuff - the walk and also the confessions. Hard, but good.

    If I can share a question that's been rolling around in my heart... do I trust Him? When I have to release people to Him (as though they were ever in my control to begin with!)... do I trust Him to take care of them? To do what it takes to reach them, grow them, keep them?

    You could very well be journeying away from normal and into extraordinary. It's okay to embrace it with abandon; to ask why, and wrestle,
    and even to enjoy the ride to extraordinary.

    (my experience of the ride is that I dread and enjoy it all at the same time...) :)

    He works all things for the good of those who love Him.
    This will be good.
    More than that,
    it is already!

    Praying for you all :)