Monday, April 1, 2013

cancer and all that it is

Its been awhile since I have wrote anything. In fact, I have been avoiding the blog altogether. There are just times when its easier to avoid things than to face them. Not that blogging is facing anything, but it just takes time and mental energy. Both things that I lack on a daily basis. (a little humor for you).

Noah has been doing really well. He is on maintenance now, which means chemo pills everyday, and a trip to cancer care only once a month for IV chemo. He just went in on Tuesday and has done really well. Although he did seem more tired this week, taking a couple naps during the afternoon. It was spring break, and perhaps his body just needed to heal a bit. It was also his birthday, 8 years old already. So in that way it was a big week, and with the Easter gatherings too.

Physically Noah is well. Emotionally and behavior wise, not so good. He is extremely hard to handle, and has zero coping skills. Something that he needs to have with battling cancer for a few more years. He hates Holly and has nothing nice to say or do to her ever. It is extremely hard and frustrating for Chris and I, and we are really out of options with what to do with him. So I have requested a child psychiatrist to help us. Thankfully, cancer care provides one for families that are dealing with childhood cancer.

There are so many challenges that come with dealing with cancer. Not only do you have that fear of what cancer is and can do in your child, but you are also thrown into this world of people who deal with it too. You become friends, and almost like a sort of family. You connect, share, and become involved in their life as well.

My friend's little boy died this month. He had cancer. It's not easy to tell your child who has cancer about another little boy dying. Nothing about this world of cancer is easy or fun. I wish it didn't exist. I wish I didn't have to answer really hard questions that my kids have about it.

Throughout this experience thus far, I have learned far more than I ever thought possible. I know its not all for nothing, but it never gets easier. It makes it so exhausting sometimes. To never have an 'easy' day. To always have something on my mind. Whether its pills, dosages, restrictions, chicken pox, flu, swimming lessons, or a friends child dying. There is always something to think about. There is no escaping it. And sometimes that's all we want to do. Just be a normal family, with normal problems. Plan a summer holiday without thinking about chemo.

There are positives too. Learning how to be thankful. And I mean really thankful. Knowing what I know now, has changed my life forever. Even though Noah drives me crazy with being so mean to Holly, I still go into his room at night, lay my hands on him and pray for healing every single night. And be so very thankful that he is there. That all my children are here. Not all well, but here.

Prayer requests: That Noah will learn some coping skills and be decent to Holly. That his cancer will be cured. That Holly will not end up more damaged from this experience, but grow from it. That we all will. That Coltan's lung will be healed.

Please also pray for my friend and her husband and their three other children for the the loss of their little boy. Pray that God will give them all that they need to get through this grief.


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