It will be 2 weeks on wednesday since we learned that Noah has leukemia. There have been a hundred questions that I have asked since then, but the one question that keeps coming back is 'how am I going to be able to do this?' How? How can I be at home with my three children and give them all that they need? When one child is sick, even with a simple cold, they need extra attention. Never mind cancer. The thought is overwhelming.
As I drove to Winnipeg this last Friday morning a large truck went flying past me. I just so happened to catch the license plate. All it read was "ABLE". It felt as though God gave me a reminder. He is able. And through him I will be able to handle things. When I got to the hospital, Noah was to get another spinal tap, where they would put him to sleep, take a sample of spinal fluid, and inject the chemo meds into his spinal fluid. As they wheeled us down a few floors, they parked us in a room where Noah could watch the construction site below. There was a crane slowly driving forward. As it moved, it began to reveal the name on it. "ABLE". I sat there, staring at the letters. I am able. Through God I am able. But I fear I will need alot of reminders.
The journey before us feels forever long. Three plus years of this? I can't imagine. That Friday afternoon, Noah was discharged from the hospital. We have now spent 3 nights at home. It feels really good. He is doing well at home. Healing from his central line, and sore muscles from favoring that side. We even kicked the ball around outside yesterday. He has a difficult time taking his medication. Its all liquid which is hard for him, and it tastes awful. The steroids are affecting his appetite, so he eats constantly. And not snacks, actual meals. It has also affected his mood and emotions. He spent the better part of this morning screaming at me. Its challenging. More than I can even describe.
The support that we have received from family and friends is overwhelming. My heart is completely overjoyed from it all. I feel the prayer. I feel the Lord carrying me through this, as He is Noah and all of us. Sometimes I think that God thinks we are stronger than we are though. I struggle with thoughts like that, and being positive. - Melissa-
pray for complete and absolute healing for Noah at the end of all this. That the cancer will be gone completely and never return. That Noah will cope well with the many side effects, like losing his hair, moods and emotions, pain and discomfort. That Chris and I will remain strong together. That I will gain hope and be positive. That our other children will pull through this strong. That we will figure out our new normal.